Well, I lied. I made art. I decided to fire up The GIMP and see what script-fu they had. Turns out they had a very nice headline script. Which was under the "Webpage Themes" category. In the "GIMP.org" subcategory. And what are the odds that it made a headline exactly like the one on their web site? That was a long shot.
So since the header graphic came out nearly the right color for my table headers (which was coincidental, I swear: I picked that blue for the tables by guessing and then typing RGB values in by hand until I got close to what I wanted) I decided to put it up there at the top. Better than text anyway.
Oh all right. I went and changed it to match the color of my table heading exactly. Now it's slightly different than what the stock script puts out. Satisfied now?