I saw an article on Fark about a guy getting flak from some idiot at Taco Bell who thought there was no such thing as a $2 bill. That's fairly amusing. It reminded me of a story.
My first work-study job in college was working at the print shop. We had offset presses, mimeo machines, big copies, a humungous paper cutter (which was my favorite; it took both hands to operate), everything. It was a good job, and I got to see all the tests before they came out. This was in the mid-late 80's, well before our money had anything real fancy in it to discourage counterfeiting. It was just a couple years after To Live and Die in L.A. came out.
One day I asked my boss, in a very offhanded way, what sort of paper was used for money. My boss (a big swarthy Italian guy who swore like a sailor) said "Oh, shit, it's special and everything. But it feels just like that 80# invitation parchment we have over there -- after it's been all crumbled up." I maybe looked a little more than amused, and he said, "Heh heh.... yeah. I knew the question was coming. Everybody asks sooner or later. And every printer in the whole world history of printers has made fake money at one point or another. And those that say they haven't are lying." Hmmm. Tacit approval. Interesting. He then added a couple minutes later, his finger stabbing out at me with each comma, "You are, in no way, allowed to print any money, of any kind, of any size, in any way, with any supplies here, and if you do your ass is fired and kicked out of school and I'll make sure of it and that you talk to the Secret Service, too. Or else. Got it?"
Naturally, the first time my boss left early I made a $20 bill.
It was brutally easy. The only problem: the ink we had already loaded in the press was red, like a scarlet color. And the press was a nightmare to clean, and I hated cleaning it. I was not up for cleaning the red ink out, then putting in green, and then printing one piece of money and then cleaning it again. I also didn't take a picture of both sides of the money. So I wound up with a one-sided, red $20 bill.
I never tried to spend it or anything. How could I? It was red for cryin' out loud. And it only had one side. I actually kept it for a while, but eventually tore it up. The ink was coming off and fading anyway.
Oh yeah: If any government types are reading this, I plead "Not Guilty by Reason of Being a Dumbass Teenager".
The pathetic thing is, the way Ashcroft and Co. have been cracking down on harmless, low-priority targets (like head shops) left and right, you never know. The next big federal law enforcement operation could be something like "Operation Red Handed," where they go after counterfeiters, regardless of the color of the bills they've printed. You'd be a prime target.
The operations always have to have some stupid punny name. this latest one where they nailed had shops and online bong-selling websites was something brilliant like "Operation Pipe Dreams." What a waste of time and effort. With people crashing airplanes into buildings, do we really need to worry about Al down the street taking hits off his Super-Toker? Please. If anything, I think the Muslim extremists could benefit from a few pulls of some of the high-grade hash that's probably readily available in their area.
Which makes me wonder how Trails would do in oh, say... Pakistan.
Posted by Shane at March 8, 2003 8:04 PMWell, I don't think I'll ever get something that shouldn't be coming to me, but you have a point. I just read an article in Newsweek (George Will, if you can believe that) which detailed the 50 year sentence a Califronia man recently received for stealing some videotapes from a Kmart (or some similar). That's outrageous. But it's the law.
I don't think drugs (alcohol most certainly included) are necessarily "unharmful". I also don't think prison is the answer. The draconian answer is missing some sort of balance, some kind of harmony. I think people should be allowed to proceed with their private lives however they wish. You wanna light up in your house, more power to ya. You want to then go to work, or drive around town, or fly a plane or operate a backhoe? No way. Your "right" to toke up stops where my right to lead a safe and peaceful life begins.
Anyway, that's too powerful a topic to be discussed here. Bottom line: the people who make a life out of frequenting headshops probably aren't going to contribute to society in any grand and meaningful way, but they won't drag it down either. In the end it's a wash. I say leave 'em alone.
Posted by wee at March 12, 2003 2:16 AM