I'm not one to navel-gaze. Particularly, I don't spend time thinking about what went on in high school. Or college. I therefore don't spend time thinking about people in either high school or college -- unless I still know them. Put another way: I have no plans to go to any reunions. The people I'd want to see are already one phone call (or email) away. Sleeping dogs lie. And, honestly, high school is about the most unimportant 4 years anyone can waste their life on. Socially, I mean. As soon as you leave high school, the people you knew there no longer matter. Unless some bond beyond "we went to high school together" applies, that is.
High school is meant to turn a gawky adolescent who knows nothing about anything into a less gawky adolescent with middling knowledge in the basics. In other words: The people you knew in high school aren't the people they are now. Unless you're in high school now. Mathematically: important in high school != important in real life.
College is different. If the people you met and knew in college can benefit you in the here-and-now, then you should not write them off. This is why people pay for built-in friends when they join a fraternity or sorority. But the high school dudes have got to go. Unless they went to a college and came out with a degree that can benefit you, of course. Then keep them around.
I hear you saying the word "insensitive". I laugh.
We're on the same page then. Good. Forward thinking... it'll serve you well.
So I was listening to P.I.L. just now and thought of high school. I thought of all the people that I knew there. The guy that stole my Men At Work LP, the fuckers who popped out from behind the bushes to sucker-punch me in the back of the head so they could steal my friend's walkman, the two guys I beat up outside a mall during the Christmas holiday buying season because they wouldn't leave my friends alone (and because one of them hit me first), and so on. I remembered surfing on cars, inhabiting pre-built houses, finding new places for roaming parties (what you kids call "raves"), making hot dogs for the principal, meeting new people and influencing new friends. There are exactly three of those people who matter now. One of whom I wish I knew how to get a hold of...
I recalled a number of tapes I made for people, and one P.I.L. song in particular. That's what bought it back. Old times are good, but they keep you from experiencing new times. So I wasted some new time writing about the old time. And you know what? Every time I hear "Smash it Up Pt. 1" by The Damned, I'm going to get a tiny bit nostalgic. But I know that none of that wool-gathering matters in the real world.
Well, Wee, you are not alone. P. feels pretty much the same way you do. I, on the other hand, look forward to each reunion with mashochistic glee. I can't wait to see everyone- then I can't wait to say goodbye and not see them again for 5 or 10 years. I keep in touch with 2 friends from hs regularly, and I met them in grade school. Actually, one of them always seems to be more stressful than pleasurable. But who else can I talk to about those hundreds of shared memories?
Maybe it's just a chick thing. I would be interested to hear Tess's take on this,actually...
I have mixed feelings about high school. I have kept in touch with maybe 3 of my school friends (all of whom I've known since grade school), but to me they're almost more like family than friends; I can lose touch for years and still pick up where we left off.
I did go to my 10-year reunion, and there were about a half-dozen people there who I hadn't seen in 10 years and was happy to catch up with... I admit I had a general "Where are they now?" curiousity about the rest as well, as we were a relatively small (
Like Bill said, socially high school was mostly like Basic Training. I was an Honors student in a school where admitting to having an intellect was the kiss of death socially. There were kids I'd had honors classes with in Jr. High who deliberately dropped down into the general ed ranks in high school so that they wouldn't be branded a nerd. I'll always resent being made to feel ashamed about being smart, and sad that I put so much energy into feeling bad about my social standing and wishing for things to be different.
Still, I'm glad I had the perspective of being the have-not; I think it makes me a stronger and more empathetic person now. Not that rejection of any sort doesn't still sting... but at least I have the emotional tools to deal with it and at least some conviction that I'm really the only person who should be defining what my worth is.
Re: music and memories - sadly my tastes were decidedly less hip than those of Bill... Anyone remember Richard Marx? Toto? Madonna's "True Blue" album? Thankfully, my horizons have expanded a LOT since then... But the oldies still have associations that make me very nostalgic. VH1's 80's shows totally suck me in... =)
So, there's my long-winded take on high school reminiscence.
Posted by Tracy at February 2, 2004 10:51 AM