Can't believe I'm gonna say this but...

Bill, don't be such an idiot. Just because you don't have a Phd doesn't mean you're dumb. I certainly would not have hired you if you were (twice!) and neither would Tony. So, maybe in the rocket analogy, you bring REAL-WORLD experience that these academics have never dealt with.

So, in your world, you say "look I don't know about the sigma variances, but if you don't watch the pressure in the tanks when using LOX, it all goes boom anyway..."

As for the faking it, that's what we all do... How do you think I felt at IBM Research/Qualcomm/S4R/and SAIC? We always doubt ourselves that's why we push harder.

Scott

Ah.. it's perfect that I'm following sck. He's right Bill... I remember when I first started at Qualcomm, I was nervous for a long time.

I even remember that, at the time, people like Tony and sck, seemed like frickin' unix gods at the time, and I was but a lowly maggot.

It freaks me out when I realize it from time to time, but now I'm basically in that same position myself. It amazes me how admins from all over the company come to me with questions about linux now. Sometimes it seems like I'm the linux god... along with the likes of Deke and Ducky.

And look at Todd. He's done great and is one of the smartest admins I know, and he doesn't have a degree, let alone a PhD. The one thing to watch out for is that often PhD's come along with a massive ego.. so just don't piss one of those guys off by publicly showing them up. ;)

Well thanks for the kind words guys. I'm certain that I can do the work, I never had any doubts there. I wouldn't have taken the job if I hadn;t know that I could do what they wanted me to do. But fitting into the corporate culture is another matter. I'm sure that I'll be fine eventually. There are a bunch of others here that are in the same boat. It's like going to a new school I guess: there's always some adjustment, and some innate need to "fit in".

The pushing harder part is right on the money, too. I'm going to be working all weekend (happy birthday to me), mostly because we have to succeed. And there's no small part of me that has a little something to prove.

Mig, you hit the nail on the head with that ego trip thing. This place has a lot of that. Rightfully so, probably. There are an awful lot of really super talented people here. But so far, everyone I've met has been just incredibly nice and open and cool.

I always said that I preferred to work with people who are smarter than me (after all, how can you ever be on the losing end of that mental equilibrium?). Be careful what you wish for. :-)

ha, I'm not even going to read that. Nor anyone's responses yet. i'll just throw my $200 out.

You suffer from performance anxiety to a degree I've never seen. Its good to be humble, and you are, but you also need to believe in yourself more.

Wanna know why you are having a hard time sleeping? You're completely freaked out that you're going to fail. Well, got news for you hombre, it may happen. But chances are it won't. Self doubt is fine in small doses, but being of the genetic stock that you are, small doses aren't common....

Get over it man, you have skills. Very very good skills. You and my darling wife are very similar actually, lots of self doubt going on there. Both of you have incredible talent in your chosen fields, but can't let yourselves believe that you do, else you come off with the size huge ego. More news: a little ego is good for you. Put bluntly :No one else is going to believe in you(aka, your employer) if you don't believe in yourself.

I'll save my other comments for when I talk to you next :)

Thanks, t. I think. You should maybe read what I wrote (or not -- I mostly wrote it so as to preserve the moment, and I never really figured anyone but me would care) if you want to actually get what I was trying to say. Just putting that out there. Moot point now though, since everyone seemed to miss the point completely.

I'm fine with the job I do. I know I can do it; there was never any doubt of that, or I wouldn't have taken the job. It just *where* I'm doing it which gives me pause. What I've done (and can do) are on a completely different *scale* than what I've seen recently (and no, the Q doesn't count; it's a high end place for sure, but still about halfway up the model rocketry ladder compared to G).

I have zero concerns about my technical abilities, or whether I can do my job in my new workplace.

Mostly I'm wondering if I'll fit in, overall, and what my role will wind up being a year or so down the road. I'm far from alone in this regard. A bunch of us were commenting this weekend that we feel like bumpkins, comparatively speaking. So there's been some integration concerns, culture-wise. That's the main concern.

As far as my inability to sleep: that comes from anxiety about missing my alarm clock. I don't have Tracy to kick me after 30 minutes of the alarm going off.

Wee, I totally get what you were saying before you 86'd the most personal entry on your blog. The training for my job specializes in putting people in the position of truly belonging there, but in the context of scary-smart peers and even more intimidatingly, scary-smart experienced codgers.

Don't worry, you'l be a codger in no time.

BTW wee.. about PhD's and egos.. I'll bet you likely never hear any of them flat out admit they don't know something. They'll hem and haw all around something, but rarely have I ever heard one just admit "I don't know."

Many PhDs and especially people in academia seem to be that way.