I just remembered that I woke myself up laughing this morning from a dream in which I or someone else declared, "Group hugs do NOT include box-kicking!" Avril Lavigne sense, mind you, not extreme-sport dyslexic.
What? I don't know. Twelve?
OK, you crazy little monkeys, clearly you have extracted every last bit of juice out of the previous post, so here's a fresh one for you to suck on.
Right, then, what to discuss? How about the SAG awards? Not nearly as entertaining as the Golden Globes, I'm sorry to say. Were people less drunk? Or just hoarding the high-grade Crazy for the Oscars? A girl can dream... Plus I was playing around with polymer clay while I was watching, so I wasn't as vigilant as I might otherwise have been. None the less, a few snippets were noted, and these I share with you now:
- The way Jake Gyllenhaal was bedroom-eyeing Alfre Woodward when she stopped to chat with him on the Red Carpet, I was expecting him to just throw her down and cover her in hickeys. I'm seriously surprised she made it out of the E! interview area without at least a little Gyllenhaal DNA clinging to her. But then he gave Ryan Seacrest the same come-hither look. Basically, he looks at everyone that way. Except Heath Ledger, of course, because IT WAS JUST A MOVIE THEY'RE STILL TOTALLY STRAIGHT DUDES AND DID NOT ENJOY THE LOVE SCENES OKAY?!
- Wow, Patty Arquette doesn't look even one bit nutty. I wonder what's wrong?
- Hilary Swank apparently decided to deal with any potential tear-blotting requirements during the awards by wearing a dress with a tissue dispenser built right into the bodice. Clever thinking, Hil!
- Yay for a "Lost" ensemble win! Uh, Naveen Andrews just kissed Dominic Monaghan on the lips. The Gyllenhaal Free Love Effect is pervasive!
- Terry O'Quinn was the right choice for the "Lost" cast's acceptance speech. Is it weird that I think he's a little hot?
- Junebug? Buh?
- The G.F.L.E. continues as we pan to Eva Longoria cuddling on Marcia Cross' lap. By the end of the broadcast I fully expect there to be a naked mosh pit in the middle of the auditorium.
- Samuel L. Jackson is a welcome sight at any event, but somehow he just wasn't the right choice of presenter for the "In Memoriam" portion of the evening. Canned solemnity just doesn't work coming from him - same reason his performance as a Jedi in the "Star Wars" prequels fell so flat.
- OK, I'm watching the Housewives walk up to the stage to accept their ensemble award, and whatever the chick who plays Teri Hatcher's daughter said on the Red Carpet about how "despite what you hear, everyone just gets along great! No, really!", any woman who's had to play nice in public with another woman they loathe recognizes the body language these bitches are speaking... There is CLEARLY some shit going down between Teri and Marcia and/or Eva. Felicity, bless her heart, is trying to be all Switzerland and keep herself wedged between the combatants. What I wouldn't give for news of a big, drunken, hair-pulling catfight at the after-party.
- And why did they make that poor, nervous boy give the DH acceptance speech? I thought he was going to burst into tears of mortification at his own tongue-tied bumbling. Just have Felicity do it, she's an old hand at this point.
- A Lifetime Acting Achievement Award for Shirley Temple, a gal who stopped acting before she could legally vote - i.e., a geologic era ago? Granted, she did some fine diplomatic work later in life and that's a form of acting in itself, but still kind of a wacky choice. Even she seemed to be a little confused as to why she was up there accepting the award. "Um, sure... Whatever! Free dinner! Thanks!"
- Well, right on for S. Epatha Merkerson getting the Triple Crown (or Hat Trick, as Benjamin Bratt put it, and thanks to him for my now knowing what that means - see, awards shows can be learning experiences too!) - Emmy, Golden Globe and now SAG - for her "Lackawanna Blues" performance. Hah, and she thanked her divorce lawyer in the acceptance speech. Sah-NAP!
- Do you have HBO? If so, have you seen "Lackawanna Blues"? Because really, very good movie. They're showing it again now, so check it out if you can.
- Gyllenhaal and Ledger give an award together, and they could not have been trying harder to project invisible force fields around themselves as they walked to the podium. Dudes, we realize you don't really want to bone each other in real life. Ledger went so far as to sire a baby with his female costar to nail down the point (so to speak). We GET IT. Relax. The G.F.L.E. buzz in the room is officially killed now. Thanks alot.
All in all, not the most exciting event... It provided an excuse for parking on the couch drinking Asti Spumante all night, however, and that's enough for me.