Sarah Palin is famous for a lot of things. One of the things she's becoming known for, I think, is the stupendously ridiculous dumbass names she's bestowed on her precious snowflakes: Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow, and Piper. How precious is that? Don't you just want to eat them up?

Imagine Sarah Palin is your mother. After you've gotten over the horror of a life spent having to look at her suburbian clown-face your entire life, think more specifically: What would your name have been had she been your mother? What twee nonsense would you have had to put up with?

Well, wonder no more, because you can consult the Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator.

By the way, if you or you're loved one is due soon, you can hit reload over and over on that page and grab a whole huge load of retarded names from which to choose your baby's name. Having your kids ridiculed and beaten ceaselessly throughout their formative years will only serve to make them stronger, both mentally and physically. You could turn 'em into veritable moose-shootin' mountain children with the proper name! We know ladies are copying her hairstyle, glasses and all the rest of that. Why not go full-on Hockey Mom and name the little shaver Piccalilli or Turbo instead of Julie or Michael? They're sure to be the most special kids in all the world, and they really do deserve a name that fits the one-of-a-kind status they'll almost certainly achieve.

In case anyone was wondering, my name really should have been Stinger Assassin. I feel somehow cheated I wound up with plain, old "Bill". How boring is that?

Griefer
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I think that about sums it up. Case in point was this retard we ran into last night. Dude flies an indy into a bunch of nuts waiting to kill him (or whoever else comes by) and then goes on a tear about us all owing him money because we blew up his ship. I tried to get him to pay for the stuff that we couldn't salvage from his wreck, but he was having none of it. What a maroon.

A day without emo-rage is like a day without sunshine...

Apparently, yes:

Kind of a cool test (though I'm a sucker for them anyway).

28

Here's me:

I guess that's about right, considering my folks are from Ohio and West Virginia, but I grew up in Arizona (which has no accent to speak of).

Take a look at Ben Franklin's 13 Virtues. How many do you have?

Me? I've got 2, maybe 3. But I'm kinda drunk right now and I haven't been shagging the empties. So I'm not too sure. 4?

MSNBC has a test which aims to show you how much of a propensity towards autism you have. My score? 27. (No, I'm not making that up.)

That's rated as the middle of the "above average" category. I probably scored slightly higher than most not because I have autistic leanings, but because I don't much care for social settings. And I'm good at remembering numbers and things, don't like being disturbed when I'm doing something, can't multitask with a shit, and have an easy time visualizing abstract concepts.

Yeah, well...

You are a Social Liberal (73% permissive) and an... Economic Conservative (65% permissive) You are best described as a: Libertarian Link: The Politics Test

I guess so. I don't really vote a party so much as an issue or a person. And there's only a few issues that I'm really anxious over. Gun control is bad, fertility rights should be a given, a perpetual welfare state keeps the citizenry feeble, the war on drugs is futile, the war on terror isn't much more successful, I'll never see a dime of what I pay towards social security and so on. You know: a centrist.

I don't really identify with any one particualr political party, but I guess the Libertarians are the closest. Sad that they're often seen as a bunch of whackjobs. Seriously: get rid of national borders? Completely abolish taxes? Not entirely in line with realistic possibilities.

My main overriding political belief is a simple one: As long as what you, as a member of society, are doing is kept firmly in the realm of your own business, then why should I or the government care what you're on about?

Score: -201
I am the anti-hippie,
I shoot hippies for fun!
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Apparently, I am not in the market for magical string. But I have to admit that was one of the easiest tests I've taken so far!

In honor of the passing of Talk Like A Pirate Day:

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
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As it turns out, I'm not all that evil at all.

How evil are you?

I think I got extra points because there are, in fact, two rodents in the room. Not my rodents, mind you, but there was no way to qualify the answer, so I had to go with it.

I am 80% Asshole/Bitch.

I am one of those people that love to hear the sound of their voice. That and my lousy attitude make for a mixture as toxic next-day-mexican-dinner-ass-drip.

Take the
Asshole/Bitch Test
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I'm glad that's finally been officially quantified.

I showed Tess the Create Your Own South Park Character site, and she decided to make a character out of me. Here's what she came up with:

Not too far off, actually.

Especially the ones that go off right after you've sat down, and spray your ass. Dont'cha just hate that?

What pisses you off?

Actually, what really pisses me off are low-life bottom feeders like the ass licker who spammed me with 211 comments yesterday. That's way more annoying than any toilet could be.

I'm a Philosopher/Scientist!



Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?

I've more than a couple relatives deeply involved in the church. But this made me laugh anyway. Hey, at least I know I'm not going to hell, right?