I embrace my inner geek. Truly, I do. Otherwise, why would I be sharing with you this little ditty I wrote?

I couldn't help it... I read Ain't It Cool News' clandestine preview of the rough cut of Star Wars Episode II (i.e. "Attack of the Clones"), and it fired me up for Star Wars again - which I didn't think was possible after the disappointment of Episode I. If Harry Knowles' supposed sneak peek can be trusted, this one sounds like it's got a hell of a lot more of what's good in these movies - fight scenes, political intrigue, grown-up good guys and bad guys instead of cutesy CGI characters and children... and, well, it's almost impossible for me not to have hope that it'll be good - I've loved Star Wars since I was 6 years old.

Point is, I channeled my joy into a lyrical tribute to one of the best characters in the series, whose father also makes his debut in the upcoming film... I'm picturing the Fetts on the dusty streets of Tatooine, leaping around in a Jerome Robbins' routine, with a little supporting chorus of jazzed-out jawas behind them... Come on, can't ya see it?

No? Well, it amuses the hell outta me, so it's all good. =)

(Sung to the tune of "Jet Song" from West Side Story)

FETT SONG

When you're a Fett,
You're a Fett all the way
From your first Slave spacejet
Till your last dying day.

When you're a Fett
If the ships hit the fan,
You got lasers around,
You're half weapon, half man!

You're ne'er overwhelmed,
You're never disconnected!
You're home in your helm:
When company's expected,
You're well protected!

Then you are set
With a capital F,
Which you'll never forget
Till your Sarlacc Pit death.
When you're a Fett,
You stay a Fett!

When you're a Fett,
You're a bad ass in space,
You're the gray metal kid
With the heavy gauge face!

When you're a Fett,
You're a Mandalore king:
Princess Leia, get set
For some helmet polishing!

The Fetts are in gear,
When schemes we are a-plottin',
The Jedis steer clear
And ev'ry Coruscantian is grabbin' cotton!

Here come the Fetts
With our clones out of hell.
Planets get in our way,
Planets don't feel so well!

Here come the Fetts:
Little ships, drift aside!
Better go round that moon,
Better run, better hide!

We're feeling unkind,
We're keeping Solo hidden!
We're hangin' a sign,
Says "Mind tricks are forbidden"
And we ain't kiddin'!

Here come the Fetts,
Yeah! And we're gonna hector
Ev'ry last buggin' bounty
In the whole buggin' sector!
In the whole!
Ever!
Emp'ror!
Lovin'!
Sector!
Yeah!

Bonus materials: other folks with the same caliber of Star Wit:

• A Star Wars Revision of the Pulp Fiction "Burger King" conversation scene. There are also many versions of "Things Mace Windu would say if Samuel Jackson played him like "Jules" from "Pulp Fiction", like, "Yeah, Chewbacca got a hair problem. What's a brother gonna do? He's a wookie." or "If Obi-wan ain't home then I don't know what the fuck we're gonna do. I ain't got no other connections on Tattooine." "Feel the Force, Muthafucka!", etc... I regret to admit that these crack me up every time.